Tuesday, April 26, 2016

When life doesn’t go as planned, you just go with it

There have been quite a few things this past week that didn’t go as planned. You should just expect that when living down here. Kind of like when working in the ED. Things don’t always go as planned. And we just go with it. We don’t know what’s going to come through the front door. It could be someone with a splinter, someone with multiple gunshot wounds, or someone in cardiac arrest. You never know. But after some quick thinking, you know what to do, just go with it, and are constantly thinking ahead and anticipating the next step to help the patient.

We’ve had some great games of apples to apples. You can’t underestimate a 4 year old when it comes to that game. He may not be able to read yet, but he sure knows how to pick what card to lay down! If no one fesses up to putting down the card, we know it was Moses and then he cheers and claps. Below are some pictures from it.


On Wednesday at clinic, we had a bunch more kids with pneumonia and diarrhea. There were quite a few of them who needed neb treatments. (If you’d like to donate to help get meds and nebulizers for the clinic, let me know, and I’ll get info to you). The baby who had come in as a 3 day old with a pretty high fever has been coming every day we’re open for clinic for recheck. Still has a fever, but not nearly as high and she’s been on antibiotics and antivirals since she went to the hospital about 2 weeks ago. After clinic, Peter came over to our house to help with the horse. We brushed her, cleaned her hooves, walked her, and put on some meds to keep the flies away. She did great. I think we all won some trust with her that day. During the week, I had worked on making desserts for worship night. I made “The brownies” (the choc peanut butter ones I make sometimes for work. Or the ones mom made once a week for sr. yr of high school), pumpkin cake with homemade icing, gluten free whoopie pies…I mean cake. (I have never had to bail on making whoopie pies before. But I couldn’t get these off the cookie sheet in one piece. Totally fell apart. Looked like a pile of cow crap…or the world map? I’ll let you be the judge of that one). While making breaded ranch chicken and potato wedges with lime, salt, basil, and garlic, I started to peel what I thought was a completely rotten banana. My family would refer to them as needing to be turned into muffins. Well, as I peeled it, it wasn’t rotten on the inside and smelled like a plantain. What in the world? Plantains are normally so much bigger! So I made plantain cake with homemade cream cheese icing and chocolate chips on top. Not bad! Basically tasted like banana cake. Apparently, it’s an African breakfast…minus the icing and chocolate chips. I added that of course.

That night, we had a great time with worship night. I got to see a neighbor that I hadn’t seen since October, hung out with friends, and met some new ones. As the ice breaker, we played a few rounds of apples to apples and then had a great time of worship with Cindy leading us while playing the guitar. We sang the song “There’s no place I’d rather be than here in your love.” I kept thinking it was “here in your arms.” Last time I sang that song was a year ago and while we were singing that, Addisyn kept singing it that way. That night, her 31 day old baby that she had been caring for after being abandoned, who had hydroanencephaly (only born with a very small part of a brain and not expected to live very long), died and woke up in the arms of Jesus. We also sang “I am not alone” by Kari Jobe (both last year and this time). That song has gotten me through a lot over the past year. When I had first heard it, I was on my way to Leah’s house to have a good vent and cry session after a terrible night at work. I love helping out with the sickest of the sick. But sometimes you need a good vent session and chocolate afterwards to help deal with your emotions. Well, as I listened to the words for the first time in the car, my cry session started earlier than anticipated. And then all through Jo’s battle with cancer and afterwards, I listened to this song a lot. We ended our worship time singing “Good Father” and prayed especially for the men and boys in the country and all around the world who need to know and understand that no matter what they have been through, God is our Father and we need these kids to grow up to be great father figures as well. After worship, we all pigged out on a crapload of desserts.

On Thursday, I was at home with the kid staying with us (my grandson) to work on his school. Once again, he brought up interesting conversation topics…including puberty…again. While he was doing his English homework, he was reading about interrogative questions. It was hilarious to listen to him read these with such…gusto. “Are those my pants!?” And I had a long talk with a friend from home who had had surgery and things weren’t really going the way they should. I vented a lot to him and to Peter all day about that. (Thanks for putting up with me freaking out!). After some other issues later in the week, thankfully, my friend’s now home and on the road to recovery.

Friday morning, we went to clinic. More kids with pneumonia and diarrhea. Some kids that we treated before came back for a recheck and are improving. Karen had mentioned at worship night that the past few weeks have been a faith booster to see some really sick kids, especially the one who was minutes away from dying, and now they are doing so much better. That afternoon, Peter came over to work with the horse some more and him and Yelsi had a crash course in learning how to play guitar. Although he won’t admit it, he picked up really fast how to play. It was hilarious listening to us try to sing and play. We were so out of tune most of the time. I said I was waiting for the dogs to start howling outside. Peter and I gave the horse a bath since she was no longer really white and brown anymore. She was more of a black color from all the dirt and smoke. As I was tying the horse up, using a slipknot, it reminded me of how everyone at work asks how I can tie so fast…it’s how we tie up the cows at the show! Of course, it’s going to be a farming related answer. That night, we went to youth group and had a great time. We ended it with musical chairs….yeah, haven’t played that in about 20 years. Go figure, Yelsi kicked butt and won.

The plan for Saturday: drive to Antigua, travel to the clinic at the dump, and after we return to Antigua, go to Peter’s house for a game night with friends. What actually happened: not that at all! So I drove to Antigua and was hanging out with one of the people from our group. We got a text saying there was some vehicle trouble. The ’98 van that we use goes to the shop weekly for maintenance to make sure it’s ready for the trip down near the coast. That morning, the van decided to go from ¾ tank of diesel to ¼. So after getting it to the shop, we figured out another vehicle to take and a driver for a truck to transport all of our equipment. We load up, start down the road and just before we started going down a pretty steep hill, the vehicle isn’t shifting correctly. Even though we were shifting, it wasn’t gaining any speed. So we had to turn around and call it a day. Thankfully, the soup that we were transporting that day was chicken soup and fresh cilantro: all things that we could freeze and don’t have to waste anything. Apparently, God had other plans for us that day. While we had been waiting earlier that morning, I had a great time talking with Annie about the transition for her from the States to moving down here. So I sent a message to Peter and said I’m going to be coming way earlier than planned. We went to the market, made chicken teriyaki, and crockpot brownies, and played the game Life (laughed so hard. I was crying. He said his abs hurt from laughing so hard). We ran out of water while cooking (later found out that something with the water pump blew up. I don’t know. Just say ok and go with it). While we were out to the grocery store, we ran into Karen who said Micah (her son) was in town and she was doing an impromptu birthday party for him and we were all invited to their house. So that evening, we went to Karen’s house, had a great supper, and played some intense games of dutch blitz and twister. Holy competitive!

On Sunday, we went to Sumpango (local town), bought food at the market, and then went to the orphanage that Drew and Cindy used to live at. While walking around at the market, I saw the mom whose baby almost died from a few weeks ago. It was great to see her out with her son who now looks great! He was waving his arm all around while mom was buying fruit. When we got to the orphanage, the kids came to say hi. They all had growth spurts! My word! A lot of the kids remembered my name and were so excited that we were all there. There are a bunch of newer kids there too, mostly with special needs. I of course had to get my typical selfie with Edwin. I’ve known this kid for years and love to watch him grow up! He wanted me to guess his age. I said 7, which was correct (total guess on my part. Just remembered that he was roughly 3 or 4 when I first met him). I then asked him to guess my age. He guessed 8. And then when others started guessing and weren’t getting it right, he just yells out, “100!” Uh, no. I mean, I know I’m a grandmother now…but not 100. Either that or I just look absolutely awesome for my age. The one boy who is nonverbal immediately came up to me, grabbed my hand, and led me to the soccer ball and wanted to play. That was interesting kicking a soccer ball with a skirt and sandals. But it can be done! I’m not going to let that stop me from playing with those awesome kids.

During chapel, it was great to listen to the kids sing with all their hearts, especially seeing the boy who is nonverbal to take a tambourine and play it with all he’s got. While we were talking about how Jesus paid for all of our sins and as Drew ripped up the poster board with different sins written on them, Diego, boy with special needs, started clapping. It was awesome! During the Bible story, there was a kid who dressed as the fat cow and put on the costume. The kids beside him couldn’t resist trying to milk the cow! I could barely keep my crap together. Seriously, I just wanted to laugh hysterically. They just kept trying to milk this cow even with Drew and Cindy taking turns to keep the kids back. The boy staying with us for the month shared his testimony with the kids as well. That afternoon, we went out to eat (amazing food!) and walked around town for a bit. We stopped at megapaca (like Goodwill on steroids) and found some clutch clothes that came straight from Saved by the Bell. That night, we had family movie night. In the movie, there was an elderly man and my grandson yells, “Hey! There is your husband!”

Monday, we had another good day at the clinic. Wasn’t too busy that day. Got to spend some more time with some of the people from the village who just crave some special attention, and I played with some of the kids while they were waiting for their medications from the pharmacy. Before we left the clinic for the day, we went to visit the man who was blind after having a brain tumor removed. He was doing so much better than last time we saw him. He could actually sit up this time. We took him some snacks that we had at the clinic and a radio that reads the Bible in the Mayan dialect that is his first language.

That afternoon while I making sweet and sour meatballs in the crockpot, Peter asked if I wanted to make a quick trip to his hometown of Palin to drop off some water filters. So we made the trip down and I got a quick tour of the house where our future medical teams are going to stay! Pretty sweet, guys! Hope you’re ready! I sure am!! I met his mom, aunt, uncle, some cousins. They’re all awesome! I showed his mom pictures of my family and some of our cows…may have grossed her out a bit with the pictures of the cow calving…of all the albums on Facebook I chose to show her. Whoops! Sorry, Mom! We walked down to the railroad tracks where a bunch of families live and were going to visit a boy who just had his appendix removed 2 weeks ago. But, they weren’t home. So I have every intention of going down in the near future to finally meet this kid and his family. Peter and his family have a great ministry going on there.

Today, the boy living with us worked on his school this morning and is now playing the piano. This kid is a quick learner. I just talked with mom and she was telling me about all the news from home. You know: who calved, who had heifers, who is looking good for the show, new cat that is doing a great job at catching mice and rats (unlike our others who don’t have any teeth anymore…), how the new cat’s name is “tortellini” thanks to Deanne. But according to dad, if Danielle or I named her, she would have been named “turd.” Or if Doreen named her, she would have been “tulip.” (Doreen used to pick such flowery names for her calves. And we all know how sarcastic and blunt I am…so you can imagine what names I picked. I wanted to name a calf pneumothorax (collapsed lung) while I was in nursing school and Dad said no). Mom also told me about how they have countdown for when Danielle comes home from college, and new names of the calves (Sunshine and Itmightbe. Itmightbe is out of Itcouldbe…who goes back to Itwouldbe. Itwouldbe was my fault. We had a cow who was calving and I was hoping for a bull calf since we were trying to get somewhere and were running late. We pulled the calf, saw it was a heifer, and I said, “It would be!” Well, the mother’s name started with an “I,” so the name for the calf became Itwouldbe).

Well, I’m heading to Antigua now to meet up with a friend to hang out. Haven’t seen her yet since being here! Load of crap! So, we’re fixing that! Marielle, I’m on my way! I’ll update again in about a week or so. We have a lot going on this coming month! It’s going to go way too fast! Again, thank you so much for the love, support, and donations! You guys are awesome! Below are some more pictures from clinic and the last one was me filling up water jugs to take back to Peter's house since he was out of water.







Tuesday, April 19, 2016

How did I become Mom…wait, now Grandma!?

This has been a long running joke in our house for a little over a week now and more and more people are becoming aware of it. There may even be a certain co-worker, who calls me Marco (*cough, cough* Rachel *cough, cough*), who freaked out and thought I needed to be 302’d and put in Spruce. She even offered to take me to Tomcat café before committing me. I told her that I was having a great time and I love her, but no. I’m staying in Guatemala for the duration of my trip. (For those of you who have no clue what I’m talking about: being 302’d is when someone petitions for you to be put in for a psychiatric evaluation for a certain amount of time and Spruce is the name of the psych place in Reading. Tomcat café has the most amazing breakfast place ever. Come visit me once I’m back in Reading and eat there). When we returned home from Manos, Yelsi was mentioning that the guy who is starting a transition home for teenage boys is single (I have known this for years). Without missing a beat, the boy staying with us for the month says, “Yeah I need a mom if I’m living with him [after this month]!” Um, what!? Then I figured out the math…and technically he could be my son if I was 17 when I had him. Scary thought. So that night, everyone was joking that “Mom will tuck you in tonight and pray with you. You’re going with Mom to clinic tomorrow and then she can help you with your math.” Then all of a sudden, this kid started calling me Grandma. Ok, I’m old enough to be your mother, but your grandmother? Absolutely not. His reasoning: “You don’t look like me, so you can’t be my mom. But if you’re my grandmother, then you don’t have to look like me, but we’re still related.” Ok. So I’m just going with it. I’m his grandmother. He continues to call me Grandma and I call him my grandson. So don’t be concerned if you hear about my grandson. I don’t need to go to Spruce.

This week went by so fast. Actually, they all have been. I’ve been having a great time with the family I’m living with and our growing household. We currently have 10 people in the house. We have 2 boys with us now who are here for healing and change before their court appearances that will determine where they go in the future. One is my “grandson” and the other is a boy who is no longer allowed at a local children’s home. We’ve had some intense games lately: air hockey (all but got a bloody knuckle), apples to apples (I won the card that said painful by putting down the card that said daughters. I could just hear my dad yelling, “AMEN!” to that one), dutch blitz (Isaiah and I ended up tackling each other while attempting to put down the red 2, as Moses threw the one across the room), hungry, hungry hippos (mine kept getting food boluses in his throat. He seriously needed some IV glucagon), and Candyland (I had flashbacks of when my niece, Kaylee, and I had played before she was in school and I played with her and blue blankie. Yes, you read that correctly. Blue blankie played. Blue blankie was a girl. So don’t insult her. Well, blue blankie got the ice cream right off the bat and jumped the whole way to the end. Are you freaking kidding me? A BLANKET was beating me! And yup, blue blankie ended up winning. Kaylee thought it was the funniest thing ever).

Along with working at the clinics, I’ve been busy trying to take care of others who haven’t been feeling so hot. Between the norovirus at Casa Shalom (shudder. Been there, had that a few years ago. No cool. I debated putting in my own IV with our supplies at the farm. Would have if we had semi-sterile tubing and not the same one that we’ve used for every cow for years. And when my oldest sister asked me if I needed anything after my millionth trip to the bathroom while we were clipping, I said, “Just a skin graft for my butthole from wiping so often.” Yeah, she didn’t know how to respond to that. With norovirus, you legit puke and poop every 5 minutes for days. Don’t recommend it), coughs, fevers, thinking passing out is an appealing option (pretty sure he was sick of me telling him to drink more water), horse bite, rose thorns to a face while attempting to get the dogs out of the garden, ingrown nail, swollen lip, and a broken elbow, I’ve been busy to say the least. And fyi, none of these happened to me, before you all spaz.
Last Tuesday, Micah, Angel, Saul, and Yelsi tag teamed and graded all of workbooks and tests for the boy that is staying with us for the month. That was an intense day for everyone. I made brownies for them to eat while they spent hours going through books. On Wednesday, we went to clinic. It was technically pregnancy day and we see only the pregnant women in the 3 villages, but there were a lot of sick kids that day. So I ended up seeing most of the kids, while the doctor saw the pregnant women. We had a lot of kids with cough, fever, and diarrhea. Karen and I went to visit a man in his 30’s who is now blind after having a brain tumor removed and is taking seizure medications. His young daughter, who is about 5 years old, is caring for him and her little brother, while his wife and newborn baby go into the city around 3:45 AM to sell vegetables. When we visited him, he did not go for his xray a few days prior because he was feeling too weak for the last few days from diarrhea. At first, he was saying he always had diarrhea, but then said it was just straight water for 15 days. We got him medications for his diarrhea and stressed the importance of needing to get his seizure medications, since he was out for 2 days. We prayed with him and he was trying not to cry while we prayed. But, I can’t even imagine going from being completely “normal” to now being blind, on a ton of meds, and relying on your little children to care for you. As we walked back to the clinic to get the meds, we brought back the two children at the house since they had really bad coughs. When we arrived, there were 2 girls getting their feet washed. After that, the nurse was going to look at their feet to see if they had parasites that embed in their feet, go to the bone, and the only option then is to amputate. Thankfully, they only had really bad dry skin from last time when the nurse pulled out the parasites.

As we were getting ready to leave, a 3 day old baby came to the clinic with a fever of over 103. We called an ambulance to transfer her to the local hospital for sepsis (infection in the blood) that she more than likely got from her mother, since she needed IV antibiotics. In the village, the mothers don’t leave the house for 40 days and don’t name their babies until after that time period. So the baby’s aunt had to run back to the house to get the mother since she needed to come along to the hospital. We had already called an ambulance for a boy who had hydrocephalus and his shunt wasn’t working. So we had two ambulances coming to the clinic to pick up both kids. That afternoon, I went over to the house that Peter’s house sitting to hang out since he was threatening that he was going to have to go back home soon. I had dumped to him about how this past year has been for me and he wanted to share his story. We had a great time talking, eating brownies (I added peanut butter to the batter…why have I not done that before!?), watching I Love Lucy and Mom’s Night Out (hilarious movie).

Thursday consisted of quite a few interesting conversation topics. The boy staying with us for the month decided he was going to ask me random health questions while he was supposed to be reviewing his school books from the previous month. We talked about diabetes, amputations, phantom pain, constipation, foods that make you constipated, puberty (He was stuck on that topic for quite a while. At one point, he asked me what peach fuzz was), worms, parasites, the importance of taking a shower especially after clinic days, and we already a conversation about the female reproductive system multiple times because of the picture hanging up in the room we see patients in at the clinic. Despite all of the random conversation topics, we did get a lot done. He was understanding his math and English better. Although the one answer, I laughed so hard. He was supposed to put a name of a country and he wrote down farmer beside the word country. (We’re working on the importance of reading the directions…). I told him that the answer is wrong, but I’m pretty proud of that wrong answer. I made slow cooked southwest chicken for dinner. In between school, he played the piano and worked on learning how to play new worship songs.

On Friday, I started working with another ministry as well. We went down to the dump near the coast, set up a tent for the medical clinic and had a soup kitchen set up beside that. We had arranged “an exam room” with bedsheets around a quarter of the tent to try to keep it semi private if there was something we needed to look at. This place is ready to start building an actual building for the clinic. But in the meantime, they are doing a great job with the resources available. We saw a bunch of kids with cough, fever, pneumonia, and diarrhea. There was one girl who came with a burn on the back of her foot. We attempted to debride the wound, gave her soap since she didn’t have any at home, and had her use triple antibiotic ointment. Considering she walks around barefoot, she was doing a fairly decent job at keeping it from getting infected. At the end, we had a father approach us with his son who had scabbed over areas all over his body. It almost looked like a cross between the yellow scab from impetigo, but he didn’t have it on his face at all, and bug bites that he scratched open. A lot of kids came to be seen by themselves or with other kids and they like to just hang out with you and help be a “doctor.” The soup that they made that day was amazing. I have no clue what all was in it. Rice, garlic, spices, veggies. Just freaking good. I had been warned before I went to drink lots of water and you won’t have to pee since you just sweat it all out. Yeah, they’re not joking. It was just really humid. I didn’t need to pee til that night and that was even with drinking a decent amount of water. When I got home that day, I jumped straight in the shower. My skin was blackish brown from the dust, smoke, and sweat. Lovely. That evening, we played soccer on the roof and celebrated Carla's 18th birthday
On Saturday, I helped Cindy and Yelsi get food ready for the baby shower we were having for Deborah (Mom of the house out by the lake, Manos de Compasion, where I was last weekend). We cut up veggies and fruit. I already had the whoopie pies made from the previous week. Drew brought over a bunch of the boys from Casa Shalom to play at our house and I made Amish Oatmeal cake for them to enjoy before lunch. That night, we played games as a family and I finished making the mac and cheese for supper. Moses (4 years old) came into the kitchen and said, “Oh, THANK YOU!! That is my FAVORITE meal! Oh, thank you!” 

Sunday, the plan was for the horse to get castrated since he was a little on the snippy side and bit Cindy's leg the previous day. But when the vet arrived, he said it would be better for us to trade and get a female. So we did a horse swap before church. After church, we went to Karen’s house for the baby shower. We all piled in one van (around 30 or so people) to go to the house. I was the 2nd to last to get in the van and had to climb into the back corner…in a skirt…that was entertaining to say the least. I was tripping over my skirt, climbing over seats and kids, and then sat down in the back seat, with a toddler on each leg. We had 7 of us in a seat for 3. It was a fun time! I love that family and all those kids! Mateo climbed right on my lap when I sat down and then I had Mynor on my other leg. We were rocking out in the back to the music and were doing some good old air guitar. We had a great time together. Amazing food. Awesome friends. Games that I could handle. (I’m usually not a huge fan of the showers because of games that can be quite painful). They had bowling for the little kids to do, using baby bottles for the pins. We wrote notes on diapers, so it will be a little more interesting changing the baby’s diaper.

Last update, I had asked for you guys to pray for an 8 month old that we sent to the hospital who was about ready to code in my arms and we weren’t sure he was going to live. Well, his mother came into the clinic yesterday with him! I could have cried from happiness! This kid looked amazing compared to the last time that I had seen him. We’ve all been praying for him and his family all week, even though we had no clue if he was even alive. Well, he pulled through and was discharged after a 6 day stay in the hospital. We had a bunch more kids come in with cough, fever, diarrhea, and a few who still had the chicken pox. We had a one month old with a low grade fever, cough, and decreased appetite, and a six month old who was in mild respiratory distress, vomiting, diarrhea, and cough. After we saw all of the patients, we went to an elderly lady’s house to give her medications, clean water, and wash her laundry. She had broken her hip a few years ago and has since been having trouble getting around. No matter what she is going through, she is always so happy when we’re there and thanking us up and down for everything. Yesterday, I felt like I pretty much hit every part of my life: nurse at the clinic, baker as I made a new recipe for pumpkin cake with homemade icing, and farmer as I drilled into concrete to put Yelsi's mirror back up in her room, and attempted to put fly spray on the new horse and make a halter out of rope. I did a little of everything. 

We’re starting to run low on some medications. Zithromax for adults, Augmentin for children, Children’s Tylenol, nebulizers, etc. So if you would like to donate money so we can go out and buy more medications, please let me know. I had posted the links on facebook and for those of you who don’t have facebook, just let me know and I’ll get the links to you so you can donate. These meds are literally saving lives. That baby we had last week would have died without it. But because we were open that day, we were able to get him the help he needed and now he looks great! Another need is for old phones. So any old iPhone 5 or whatever you have when you decide to upgrade, even if it has a broken screen, send it my way and they can fix them. Thank you so much for considering!


Last night, I had a dream about Jo. It’s been a while since I’ve had a dream about her. I dreamed that she was lying on the couch and I went to go check on her. She asked what I ate and I said something with chocolate in it. She looked at me and said, “No, silly. I already ate it all.” After I woke up, I couldn’t fall back asleep. Half was excitement that I saw and could hear her again and the other was the wave that hits all over again that she’s not here. I know she’s healed and in Heaven. And a lot of times, I feel half guilty that it hits that hard since she wasn’t my child. But, I legit see that family as my own and feel like I lost a niece. As I was attempting to fall back to sleep, the song “Tell Your Heart to Beat Again” by Danny Gokey played through my head. So for any of you struggling, trust in God and continue to give it all to Him, no matter how tough it is. He can put all your broken pieces back together again in His time. And especially to Jo’s family, I’m sending you my love and lots of hugs from Guatemala!
You’ve shattered
Like you’ve never been before
The life you knew
In a thousand pieces on the floor
And words fall short in times like these
When this world drives you to your knees
You think you’re never gonna get back
To the you that used to be

Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday’s a closing door
You don’t live there anymore
Say goodbye to the where you’ve been
And tell your heart to beat again

Beginning
Just let that word wash over you
It’s alright now
Love’s healing hands have pulled you through
So get back up, take step one
Leave the darkness, feel the sun
Cause your story’s far from over
And your journey’s just begun

Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday’s a closing door
You don’t live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you’ve been
And tell your heart to beat again

Let every heartbreak
And every scar
Be a picture that reminds you
Who has carried you this far
‘Cause love sees farther than you ever could
In this moment heaven’s working
Everything for your good

Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday’s a closing door
You don’t live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you’ve been
And tell your heart to beat again
Your heart to beat again
Beat again

Oh, so tell your heart to beat again